tell your sister to shave her snatch
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
