i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
