Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
