He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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