His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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