She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Your cock deserves a montage
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
