I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
