Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
