Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
