i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
