Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Never joke about your clitoris.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize