two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
