ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
