You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
