A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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