The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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