remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
