you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
