Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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