ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize