Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize