i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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