Sry I called you an 8
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
