No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
