i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
