And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
