this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
