Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
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As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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