you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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