My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
