It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
