We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
