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Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
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