Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone