I'm lost and stupid without you.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
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alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
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Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket