I should be sponsored by Trojan
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.