How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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