Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
