Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
