Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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