last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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