real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
