The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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