Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
