after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
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There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
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My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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