Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
