you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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