i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
