We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
