And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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