physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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