Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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