that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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