C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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