Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
