I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
