i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
