You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
