You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
