I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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