I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
