and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
