Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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