i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
