Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
